Hello all, (aka me, myself, and I and whomever else...)
I've been browsing dA again and, wow... I've really come a loooOOooooOOOOng way! (well, mentally-wise)
I should be doing something productive with my very limited time as a student and probably watch some seemingly entertaining things on YouTube, but I TOTALLy have my priorities in check so im going to write this little entry as something to keep track of... my (achievements? what achievements? more like the angsty rants of a bipolar teenager.) High school's been fun, and I've certainly enjoyed the new experiences I've made along the way (as well as new relationships with new people + strengthening my ties with the ones from the past)
Alright. I'll get straight to the point here and not wander off into an abyss of garbled gibberish (LIKE I ALWAYS DO.) Dost thou have any certain individuals that constantly make them feel vulnerable? Moreover, pathetic? I don't know, but I certainly do. You see, there's this one part of me that I would change because yes, I am not a perfectly adorable person with a strikingly amazing personality/ charming sense of wit + charismatic individual. (SIKE MOTHERFUCKER I AM--YOU DON't KNOW ME LmAOOOOO) But you know, no need to be a a complete fucking asshole and rub it in my face when I'm not having the best of days. "I'm not even sure why we're friends lololllllllll xDDDDD" "There's nothing even that special or anything that stands out about you.. I mean, you're not particularity funny or anything... *FILL IN THE ADJECTIVE LETS PLAY SOME MADLIBS* Well then. I'm sure you're VERY popular. So don't expect me to be a mindless minion who would follow one's every command because yes, I admit it--I have a problem with denying people/ being blunt/ completely honest with my opinion. (I KNOW THAT KIND OF PERSONALITY/NICE DEMEANOR WILL BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF IN THIS CYNICAL DAY AND AGE/SOCIETY. I SWEAR TO GOD, BE AN ASSHOLE OR BE EATEN ALIVE BY AN ASSHOLE (that would suck ass ;D) Also, cultural differences make it slightly difficult (NO LIKE A LOT MORE LOL)
to confront people individually.
Suddenly, this is going to be my life story. I hope you enjoy my first novel and consider buying the sequel. I've been raised up to tell others my opinion--sure--but I've been taught to go about it in a more non-direct route. Take this for example, (To myself) Oh my god lord jesus please just smite down this horrendous arse and rid the world of unnecessary evil--just once, and I'll never be a little-shit-living-a-double-life-of-being-two-faced again........... Ouch. That hurt like a bitch................ *insert peter griffin wincing sfx* yes, ahhhhhn~~ more~~~ just rub and smother my open wounds with sALT, SATAN (referring to anonymous). ahhhhhhhnnnn~~~~ *is secretly a closet masochist*
And so I find myself there in shock, not knowing what to say, since I've been HIT WITH THE HONEST/ BRUTALLY SAVAGE PAIN which is: the truth that yes, im a little pussy who can't confront people and tap them on the shoulder and say: "HEY FUCK OFF RICHARD--m8 YOURE BEING A COMPLETE DICK RIGHT NOW. I mean, I'd love to insult you some more to let out my anger, but I don't know if I would do as well as nature did
You warped half-faced pignut. You--- damn it-- Here in this day and age Shakespeare wouldn't work as well on those with a brain that's seemingly good as new, as they've never used it... *bites thumb*
So, inevitably, I go and act like I'm friends with the person whose caused me to feel vulnerable and insignificant while also feeling like I'm a person at the bottom of the list to chat to. ughrsiughirwughiuHGUIHIgur words cannot show my hatred for those who play favorites, wHICH IS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS SINCE I DO THAT QUITE OFTEN I AM SUCH A HYPOCRITE CALL THE COPS ON ME. It's funny how I do all these things just to mask up my hurt but then again, I am brought back to reality with an astounding wake-up call from the fist of (the north star) the truth which tells me that I am not able to force my character into this 3 sizes two small jumpsuit from the fall edition of Rude Ass Hole™
. I just can't force myself to... although I'd sometimes like to...Back to my shitty clothing analogy/metaphor. You think it'll look good on you, but then after a short time, it just doesn't fit... However, like the ever mold able human body mass, the personality can also be warped with a few touches here and there. Anyways, I've called upon the my mystical supernatural aid and I guess I should just distance myself from these people... Ah, High School, a carrion-filled place swarming with flies which constantly buzz along with idle chatter. A place where eyes of the past stare back into your cowardly windows, desperately wanting to draw the blinds to drown out the relentless glares from the ones you used to find joy with. I know your face yet I no longer know you... Can I be sure that your, or rather our relationship ever existed?
Why do I allow people to take advantage of me? I want to be friends. I can't live up to your high expectations while only receiving a meager amount of your conditional friendship. So I've come to a truce with myself. I have to be honest, despite the pain it may bring. I'd rather deliver a fast, swift blow and give them more time to recover than to slowly inject them a potent lie to circulate around in their body and make them believe some fallacy I've conjured up to mask my real thoughts. Inevitably, I'm the one to be hurt. And the time to stop this would be now. Signing off...